Forgiveness

Recently I endured a situation with a co-worker of mine where I was wrongly accused.  I knew how far I’ve digressed in my spiritual progress because of the way I reacted to the situation.  There had been previous altercations between my coworker and me, as a result I was a little on edge.  I got really upset which further proved to this person (in their eyes) that it was my fault.  I had a mini-meltdown and was on the verge of quitting my job.  My coworker sought mediation through my manager.  Thinking that this was a potentially peaceful meeting I agreed only to find out it wasn’t.  I understand that my position here was to not react (which is my usual position, unfortunately), it was to listen.  Even though I knew he was wrong in his accusations and he persisted just to get a rise out of me, I can only control me.  I understand that I manifested my part in this situation, I never applied the necessary forgiveness to the previous situation.  Which only made me a prime target for more of my coworkers negative energy.  Forgiveness is so important because, I’ve learned, it is less about the other person and more about me being able to move on.  Who knows, if I had done the necessary spiritual work I would have been out of the line of fire and it would have been directed elsewhere.  So today and for the next couple of days I am going to be actively focused on forgiveness.  First starting with other people, then moving onto myself, then moving onto the past.  It feels really good to be the person I AM in spite of the actions or motives of other people.  It helps to reinforce this spiritual journey and the person I’m growing into continuously.  I can SEE my growth and it looks GOOD.  People continue to give me good lessons to learn more about myself and grow from, thank you!  God is SO good!

Intention: Forgive anyone and everyone who I feel is harming and/or slighting me.  And then forget (essential part!) and move on.

Integrity

Follow through has always been a slight problem for me. I’ll say I’m going to do it. I’ll mean to do it, but somehow in the process of execution my well meaning intentions get lost. I really think what was meant by the term “the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions”, it actually means that all the things you planned on doing but never did, even with good intentions, is what leads you to your own personal hell. I understand that completely. But it’s not just about follow through, it’s also about being realistic about what you’ll do, what’s in the realm of possibilities for you, and what you actually hope for from the experience. A lot of times I know I’ll start something not to finish it but to see if I can actually get it started. It’s about if I have enough courage to put the plans forth or if I can pull together all the resources to get it started. I used to get down on myself about not finishing things, but I’ve come to find out that the reward for me is not always in the completion of a task. Another aspect of integrity for me has come from knowing when to say ‘no.’ Just as I’ve been given the ability to accept a task I also have the ability to reject a task. If I can not be my best when taking on a task and/or if no personal growth can be gained from a task I am responsible for saying ‘no.’ I understand that I lose nothing for refusing the things that do not serve me. I allow myself to enjoy this path and process more with every task that I agree to that aids my personal growth. I open myself up to the blessings that are constantly being set up for me in my path. I exclaim to the Universe “Yes, I am open, I am receptive!” This allows me to display more integrity with each action and choice. God is SO good. And I’m ready to consistently prove all that I’m learning throughout this process.

Manifestation: It’s not an easy task to do things out of integrity, when you’ve shrunk from it for so long. It’s a laborious process, but if I don’t start now, when? I’ve noticed that in as little as 24 hours the speed that the Universe works. I have had distances placed between negative situations and myself. I’ve allowed myself to be honest with all parties involved and had the usual confrontations deferred elsewhere. It’s almost as if the moment I said I’m ready the Universe had been ready! I opened up and realized how open all the opportunities have been to me. I feel a sense of calm and expectation but without the anxiousness. I’m really, really excited. God is SO good.

Days 16-17

Intention:Worthy
I am worthy not because of what I do but because of who and whose I am. I take the time over the next two days to note my worthiness. To step up and stand up for the things that I want. To use my voice to call things into existence. I make it a point reaffirm my worth starting today.

Because I was made in God’s flawless image, I am worthy. Because God loves me unconditionally, I am worthy. I was born worthy through God’s perfection. This day and everyday I will act on my worthiness. It is so.

Manifestation: So I attended a wedding last night of one of my close friends from high school. I was hesitant to go at first because, although I knew people who were going to be at the wedding, I thought I was going to be uncomfortable. I love Alanna and I love her family and all of my other close friends that were in the wedding and in attendance. But my problem wasn’t with them, it was with myself. So that was where the hesitation came from. I guess it has to deal with my uncertainty about my life and how they seemingly have it all figured out. Even though my rational mind knows that it’s not true, I still doubt myself because of it. I had to remind myself constantly of my worth as a person and a physical manifestation of God. So I went and I had the time of my life. Of course I started getting emotional at the site of Alanna and her new husband, they love each other so much. And it is so beautiful and I’m so happy for them. But I realized that I am worthy of all of that and more. I’m worthy of a partnership with a person who is more than capable, able, and willing. I deserve and am worthy of a dynamic, accomplished, loving, devoted and attractive partner. My focus has far too much been on the lack of such a person but no more. I am worthy and I make it so, it is so! God is SO good!

So tonight we went out with a couple of people I met at the wedding. A couple young men that have been friends with Alanna since she was born. One thing I love about people who have roots in African nations is that they maintain ties to each other. They create clans, not just friendships but families with people, they create kinships. It’s so beautiful to see people calling each other family when there are no blood ties. People flew across the country and the world just to partake in the wedding.  It was beautiful.  So I invited some of the younger people who weren’t familiar with Detroit out for a night on the town. I don’t think I’ve ever partied so hard! (Well, maybe!) But anyway we had a wonderful time. One thing I wasn’t so happy with though was that a friend of mine who knew what the night was about (hanging out ’till the sun came up) decided to bail on us. Now the problem wasn’t with the fact that she wanted to leave, my problem was with this being a constant thing with her. She’ll commit to something and then later decide she doesn’t want to go through with it, basically dragging the night down for the people involved. True that is her prerogative, however it’s mine to associate with the people I want to . I guess my problem with the whole thing is that in my close friends I’m looking for committed, trustworthy people. I’m seeking real sisterhood, much like the relationships I saw at the wedding. Friends that you can call at a moments notice and they’ll come to wherever you are to assist you. Not only do I want friends like that, I want to be a friend like that to other people. I am worthy of having supportive people in my life who, as my pastor would say, are my kinda crazy. Women who may not be like me, but who love me and accept me as I am, and are ‘ride-or-die.’ Down for me when I need them the most and when I don’t need them the most. Women who know how to have a good time and are comfortable with who there are. Classy, crazy, fun, reactive, confident, supportive, outgoing, flamboyant, trend-setting superstars! This is the intention that I set forth this upcoming week: I will attract to me real sisterhood in the form of women that are my kind of crazy, who are ride-or-die, and that I create long-lasting real friendships with. I am creating my clan, that will passed down throughout our lineages. It is SO! God is SO good!

Day 2

Intention: Visualization and Manifestation
Co-create my world through my focus on what I want, keeping my focus off of what I don’t want. I make a conscious effort in my day-to-day activities that reflect what I desire to experience in my future. I understand that with every emotion-charged thought that I am creating. Today I make efforts in creation through visualization. And so it is.

Manifestation: Today I have engaged in conversations surrounding what I want, bringing me closer to the physical manifestation of those things. I have also spent time in creative endeavors that allow me to see what I wish to manifest more clearly. I recently got news that next week I will be receiving something that I’ve been working on (I’ll document it once I receive it). I’ve also had a couple close friends who have shown interest in helping me to get in-line with the things that I desire. I have manifested the means to get to the next step. Now I’ve just got to follow the path that has been laid before me. God is great!

Example of visualization board, titled “Rio Pronto”, Brazil here I come!

Day 1

Intention: Wholeness and Companionship
My wholeness reflected back to me, making divine connections to friends.

Manifestation: I spent about an hour reflecting today on my wholeness through meditation. I reminded myself to not doubt my God and mySelf. Doubting mySelf is synonymous with doubting my God. I affirmed my faith in my God and mySelf and reminded myself of my wholeness. I repeated to myself the affirmation: what is before me is not greater than what is inside of me. I found myself not being as reactive as I’ve been in the past. I had a couple situations that occurred between my family members and I and I reacted in a peaceful manner. It is becoming easier for me to react through love and not out of irritation. It it a process and I am working at it everyday.

I spent time connecting to the people in my life that I hope to get closer to and better acquainted with. I contacted a friend that I hope to visit in my travels to New York next month. I miss our friendship and I hope that we can reconnect in that way. I also set forth the intention of the kind of friendships I hope to create in the future. We will see how this intention manifests in the future and I will be sure to revisit it as often as possible.
What a great day!